


i'm only human

by Noctalya



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, But it gets better!, Daydreaming, Dreams and Nightmares, Elsa is freaking out, Elsa is really having a hard time, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Magic, Panic Attacks, but I swear it won't be as bad as it is now, but honestly who wouldn't, but like more nightmares than dreams, it's a derealization attack and it's not the best thing in the world, jack is freaking out too tbh, life's shit and nothing is normal, more like really shitty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2020-12-14 18:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21020195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noctalya/pseuds/Noctalya
Summary: Elsa is too tired of having to deal with essays and keeping her crazy, attention-seeking sister in check to add another layer to the mess. But when things randomly freeze whenever she’s under any kind of pressure, she might just have a complete breakdown.Or, Elsa’s magical powers only develop while she’s attending university and her world is crumbling.





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - I do not own Frozen nor Guardians of Childhood nor any other works I'm borrowing characters from. I'm not Disney or Dreamworks, I'm only trying to write a little something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unbeta'd and english is is not my mother tongue, please be kind with me.

She didn’t dream often, she was more prone to a deep slumber without any kinds of dreams - or nightmares. But when she dreamed, it always ended the same way no matter how the dream had started. Somehow something ended up creeping in her dreams and she could tell the moment her dream started to slowly cool down until it took all the warmth away from it - and from her. Then ice would appear somewhere and it would grow and cover all her surroundings little by little. That’s usually when she would start to run. She would run and run and the cold would cling to her and no matter how fast whe would run she would never outrun the ice or this chilling cold that would numb her limbs and freeze her mind until nothing remained but the cold, the ice and some terrifying force that would try and break her.

And then she would wake up, covered in sweat and terribly cold even under all the covers she could find in the her dorm room. And she’d spent the rest of the night unable to close her eyes or to warm herself up, on the verge of crying because it was all too much for her.

Elsa Arendelle has always been a perfect student. She was never late to class, always had her papers handed early, was sporty, nice and proper and a third year student of Corona University, also known as the best University in the country, and she had nothing to complain in her life. Though, when she would come to class looking like she didn’t wake on time you could ask yourself some questions.

No one ever did.

The leaves of trees were just starting to change to different shades of yellow and orange and people were dressing warmer, getting the scarves and jackets out of the closet. Anyone could sense the pumpkin season taking long strides over to this part of the world. Corona University’s colors couldn’t match any season better than autumn. The gold and purple blended very well with the rest of the landscapes. Clearly all the Art Students could see it too, seeing as so many were outside getting pictures, or painting. 

This is where Elsa was to meet her cousin, a first year at Corona University and daughter of the Director, Rapunzel Corona.

“You look terrible, Elsie.” was the first thing Rapunzel said when her cousin sat on the bench next to her. She had merely spared a glance to Elsa before getting back to painting.

“Well, hello to you too, Rapunzel.” replied Elsa a bit sarcastic.

Adding a final touch to her painting, Rapunzel then gathered her art supplies and started to put back everything in her bag, only to give her full attention to her cousin.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Are you still scared for Anna?”

Elsa shook her head.

“I’m always scared for Anna.”

Her little sister had had a rough time these past years and it wasn’t exactly easy to take care of her sometimes.

“I’ve been having nightmares lately.”

“Again? I thought this was over.”

“So did I.”

In all honesty, Elsa never though the nightmares would leave her alone completely. Sure, they did back off for a while and she hoped it would be for a long time but deep inside her she knew they would come back again. Call it a sixth sense or something, but she knew. Just like she knew them coming back meant something. She hoped it would be something happy and fun but deep down inside she had a feeling her hopes would be crushed. 

“You need to see someone, Elsie. This isn’t something you can brush off, it affect your mental health, you get all cranky and angry.

Elsa slowly breathed to keep herself calm. Getting angry at Rapunzel would get nowhere, she needed to stay calm.

“I know how I become when I have nightmares, Rapunzel, I’m the one feeling it.”

Rapunzel flinched and Elsa mentally cursed herself for her harsh tone, she didn’t meant to snap at her cousin, but soon the smiled returned on Rapunzel’s face.

“Anyway, this is important. I’m going to force you to take an appointment with the university’s psychologist.”

“We have a psychologist?”

“Yes, my mother asked for one a few years back, after Adam Beast ended with a wound after he was bullied all year by Gaston Hunter.”

“Oh, I remember that.”

“Yeah, so my mother asked for a psychologist and Adam then agreed to come back, with a restraining order for Gaston. So anyway, I think his name is Doctor Pabbie or something like that.”

“Pabbie? What kind of name is that?”

“I honestly don’t know, I think it’s Sami but I’m not sure. In any case, take an appointment and tell him about your nightmares, I’m sure it’ll help you.”

Elsa truly wanted to believe her but her intuition told her it was only the beginning. Nonetheless she agreed to it. Nothing would hurt to see a specialist. Maybe it could even be positive in the end.

“Alright, then. But, didn’t you tell me I’d have to walk you to class? Has it been cancelled?”

Rapunzel’s face crumbled as she probably realised she had forgot her class. Elsa could have laughed if her cousin didn’t look so devastated.

“Oh my god! I, huh, I have to run. Just- Just enjoy your free time! You don’t have to walk me there!”

She quickly grabbed her things and ran off so fast Elsa wondered if she ever ran this fast before. Holding back a laugh at her cousin’s retreating form, Elsa looked around and took in the place around her. She looked at the the boys wearing baseballs jackets with the colours of Corona University who were throwing a baseball between them, at the cheerleaders learning a new choreography, at all the other students enjoying the warm weather to work outside. She smiled and closed her eyes.

A breeze of cool wind blew around her and suddenly she was engulfed in cold. So cold she couldn’t breathe anymore. She was frozen, she couldn’t move. Something told her she was still sitting but she only could see the darkness, and the ice slowly creeping into her vision. She was so scared she wanted to scream but she couldn’t even open her mouth. Her eyes burned but she couldn’t feel any tears coming out. Nothing made sense. It felt like forever until she felt something warm on her shoulder. 

When she finally managed to open her eyes, blue eyes were staring into her own, filled with worry. 

“Are- Are you alright?”

She didn’t know what to say. Slowly looking around she could now see that there was actually several people around her, all of them were a bit strange looking if she could say. The boy who probably was the one who brought her back from her nightmare - was it even a nightmare in broad daylight? a daynightmare then? it didn’t exactly make sense but things didn’t exactly make sense when it came to her nightmares - he looked the most ‘normal’ out of the bunch, if you could count white hair to be normal of course. He looked at her expectantly but he still looked worried.

“I, huh, I don’t really know-” was all Elsa managed to say.

“You were shaking like you were cold.” 

He probably omitted to say that she was definitely cold if her puffy breath was anything to go by. It felt like the temperature around her had dropped by a few degrees and still she was sweating like it was too hot for her own body. Maybe something was terribly wrong with her and she couldn’t be saved?

“I’m sorry, I don’t really know what happened.” Elsa said, trying to regain a bit or dignity. “But thank you, for whatever you did. I do feel better know. However, I should be going as I have a class soon.”

With a faint smile she stood and tried to keep her head high as she walked away. She heard his voice calling after her and she desperately tried not to run. She didn’t want to deal with whatever had happened. She couldn’t even believe something would happen during the day, in front of people even. She was used to dealing with this in the cold of her room during the night, alone, or at the very least with her sister back in the day. Now, it just didn’t make sense. 

She arrived at her dorm and her hopes of finding it empty were ruined when she saw Belle entering the dorm right before her. Cursing her luck she put her brightest smile on when she followed Belle into the living area. 

“Good morning, Elsa!” exclaimed Belle in a thick French accent.

“Good morning, Belle.”

She tried, really tried to look cheerful but the worry on Belle’s face was impossible to miss. She knew something was not right. Before any questions could asked, Elsa entered her room and locked the door behind her. Then she let herself slowly slip to the floor and buried her head in her arms. She desperately tried not to close her eyes in fear that that nightmare would come back again. But the world started to darken around her. 

Her phone beeped and she scrambled to get it, trying to hold on to something tangible. She almost cried of joy when she saw it was Rapunzel with the number of the psychologist. She quickly taped the number, not even sparring a thank you text to Rapunzel. The phone rang three times and then she heard the voice of an old man. Her breath caught in her throat.

“Doctor Patrick Pabbie, how may I help you?”

Elsa gathered her courage and breathed deeply.

“Hello, my name is Elsa Arendelle, I’d like to take an appointment with you.”

“Sure. I’m full for the next three weeks, can you wait this long or do you need help sooner? Because I can give you the number of other psychologist if you need it.”

She didn’t know if she could hold it in for the next three weeks but she was afraid of what would happen with any psychologist. Better take the one she managed to contact first.

“I can manage for the next three weeks, I assure you, it’s nothing urgent.”

She hoped the fear she was feeling in all her being right now didn’t seep through her voice but if the Doctor heard it he said nothing about it.

“Then, how about monday in three weeks, 10am ?”

“Perfect.”

“Alright, then, you have an appointment young lady.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Have a nice day.”

“You too.”

Once she heard the distinctive click of the line cutting, Elsa let out a breath she didn’t she was holding. She allowed herself to close her eyes, of only to calm her beating heart. When she felt calm enough she opened her eyes, and to her surprise nothing was cold or icy. She could even see the ray of yellow sunlight through the closed curtains. Somehow it made her feel complete, if only for a while.

She got up, suddenly realising just how tense she had been through it all, and went to check herself into a mirror. Ignoring the heavy circles under her eyes and dishevelled hair, she didn’t look nearly as bad as she imagined. A bit of makeup and another hairstyle to keep her hair in check and she would be ready to go about her day. Or so she hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes nothing.
> 
> I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I hope you'll follow along with me as I rediscover what I am capable of doing with my writing. It's maybe a bit short, I wanted to keep it under two thousands words and it felt like a nice place to end this chapter.
> 
> I've put ten chapters but I'll probably change that if subplots take roots into this story (the main plot will take roughly ten chapters I think but I'm just going with the flow for the rest).
> 
> Also work name is from human by christina perry in case you were wondering, i though it was only fitting.  
I hope you liked it!


	2. ii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to switch point of views, maybe it's good maybe it's weird.
> 
> as usual this is unbeta'd and english isn't my first language so please be kind to me.

Halfway across the campus, a white haired boy and his friends were sitting under golden leaves, the light breeze getting in their hair and making a mess, to the great disappointment of the only girl in the bunch. They were supposed to work together on different assignments, since they didn’t share the same major they only shared a few classes. But soon Jackson Overland Frost was yawning and giving up on his essays, as per usual.

“Already? It’s only been half an hour, Jack!”, chastised the only girl of the trio.

“Yeah, well, I’m sleepy.”

To emphasise on it, he yawned quite loudly, just as to show just how much he was sleepy. Tatiana only rolled her eyes. 

“You should sleep earlier maybe then you wouldn’t be so tired.”

“Tooth, I’m a third year forensics student, I don’t have time to sleep.”

The third member of their quite strange group, a scrawny brown haired boy, sighed loudly at the antics of his friends.

“He’s having nightmares again, Tooth. That’s why he’s sleepy.”

“Hiccup! Don’t sell me out like that!”

The multi-colored girl was all over Jackson in an instant, checking everywhere to see if he was fine.

“Okay okay, relax, Tooth, it’s all in my head, nowhere on my body.” 

He was trying to lift up the atmosphere with a light hearted joke but when both of his friends frowned he realised he didn’t really managed what was intended.

“You still fell in a frozen lake, Jack! The doctors said they didn’t understand how you could still be alive after what you went through, it had to leave some marks on your body somehow.” Tatiana started to rant. “And you got nightmares again? For how long?”

The two boys looked at each other, both exhausted by their friend’s overbearing protectiveness. 

“Honestly, Tooth, it doesn’t matter, I’m fine, just having stupid nightmares.”

She looked at him pointedly. Jackson looked over at Hiccup but the boy didn’t look much more convinced.

“Okay okay, maybe it’s not just stupid nightmares and it might be flashes and stuff but i’m fine, i don’t need to see some sort of pthd specialist or some shit, been there done that.”

Tatiana sighed and Jackson hoped it would mean the end of discussion. But he also knew Tatiana Tiên was not so easily discouraged.

“How about you see a psychologist? There’s one on campus, you know.”

“Yeah, hard pass.”

“You’d rather keep your nightmares?”

“That’s not-”

“I can take an appointment for you, if you want.” she said, while getting her phone out.

“Honestly I think-”

“I think you’d be better if you do it.” she was already pressing the number.

“Tooth-”

He got cut by her hand on his mouth. He tried to say something but he could only mumble some incoherent sounds while his best friend was taking an appointment with Dr Patrick Pabbie - what kind of name was that anyway? Shooting a glance to his best friend he could see that Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third was silently laughing his ass off over the situation. 

“Done!” said Tatiana while hanging up the phone. “You’ve got an appointment in three weeks, monday, 10:30 am.”

By now Jackson was already frustrated enough with his friend and couldn’t take any more. Some dark feeling crept from his core and he lashed out.

“You had absolutely no right to do this, Tatiana! What the fuck?! Do I go around taking weird appointments for you without your consent? What the fucking hell were you thinking! I said was fine! I am fine! I don’t need to see another doctor who’s basically gonna tell me the same shit every other told me! Gods, I’m not a child! If I want to see some psychologist I can decide to do it on my own! And the school’s psychologist?! The hell?! Like they’re not waiting for any fucking reason to just kick me out, goddammit!”

“Jack, I think you’re overreacting-”

“Shut the fuck up, Tooth! How can you say that after what you just done?!”

“Hey dude, maybe if you did try to pull up stupid pranks with Aster you wouldn’t be on the school’s ejection seat.”

“You’re one to talk, Hiccup, with you crazy ideas out of nowhere. You think you can do anything just because you’re an engineering major but you don’t and you’ve definitely pulled up some more shit that I did, so really you have nothing to say!”

He was so angry he was fuming, he wanted to shatter something, or to punch someone but instead he just turned away from his friends. Tatiana and Hiccup were silent and Jackson knew he had never ever exploded like that before. It wasn’t him, it was this dark feeling inside of him, amplifying all his negative emotions. Anger, pain, resentment, frustration, until there was nothing else left. He tried to breathe, to cool himself, to hold on to his friendship for Tatiana and Hiccup before he broke it forever or something like that. Suddenly he felt a small hand on his shoulder and instantly he knew it was Tatiana’s. Somehow that hand helped soothe him, slowly but surely it did bring him to more calmer state. He wasn’t rid of this dark feeling inside his chest but it was subdued, for now.

“Hey, I’m sorry Jack, I didn’t mean to impose myself like that but I’m worried for you.” Tatiana said with a soft voice.

For the first time Jackson could hear some indecision in the girl’s voice and he couldn’t say how he felt about it. He put a hand on top of Tatiana’s and hold it there.

“I’m sorry too, I don’t really know what came to me.” Jackson replied.

He felt strangely guilty, a feeling that was feeding this dark part of him like wood to a fire. Maybe a psychologist wouldn’t be so back after all?

“I’ll be going to that stupid appointment, if only not to waste that Doctor’s time. I’m sorry too, Hiccup, I shouldn’t have said what I said. You’re a great engineer, man.”

“It’s cool, I shouldn’t have said what I said about you and Aster.”

Both boys nodded in agreement and Jackson hoped his outburst would soon be forgotten.

“You know what, I think I’m gonna head back to the dorms and take a power nap. My next class is in two hours and I’m completely drained.”

He could feel the remorse of having lashed out fueling the dark feeling and he wasn’t sure he could handle another outburst to his friends. Luckily, both his friends nodded hearing this and he felt a wave of relief take over as he knew he didn’t have to argue some more.

“Yeah you probably deserve a nap, Jack. If nightmares ensues we’re just a call away you know that, right?”

Tatiana all but hugged him. It strangely felt like a goodbye of some sort. He was just going back to the dorm to take a nap, was he not? Hiccup only checked him before Jackson got back his stuff and left for the dorm.

All around him, the wind blew a bit stronger and he could see dark clouds over the horizon. He hoped it wouldn’t be raining so soon, he liked the warmth of the sun over his skin. Sometime he didn’t feel much warmth from anything else, like his body had been frozen. Well, it probably made sense since he did fell into a frozen lake. While he never felt the cold he did feel cold. Like nothing could warm him up but the world was just at the same temperature he was all the time. It didn’t make much sense to be fair, but his life had never made much sense anyway. 

While he was on his way he took his phone out and dialed a number he knew by heart now.

“Hey Aster.”

“Hey Frosty boy. Still up for tonight?”

“Yeah, I need something strong.”

“Can’t sleep again?”

“Something like that.”

“Got ya man. You’re coming back wasted, tonight.”

“Perfect.”

He didn’t even say goodbye to his friend before hanging up on him. The dorm building was pretty much empty and entering the common space he shared with his three roommates he didn’t find anyone. After locking his room door he got on his bed and hoped for sleep to come take him soon. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to go to his next class.

When he closed his eyes he saw the shivering girl from earlier, the one with ice blue eyes. He remembered how she was cold to the touch yet she almost burned him. Kind of like when sand is too hot it feels like ice under your feet? It made sense to him somehow. That was weird, but things had been weird for a while for him. To be fair he never did stop having nightmares, he just hid it from his childhood friend because there was nothing she could do except worry. And to be fair it wasn’t even nightmares.

He always remembered how cold the water had been under the ice, he remembered trying to fight it, to get back from where he fell, he remembered his whole body feeling numb, he remembered how cold the water felt when he couldn’t try anymore. He remembered dying and more often than not that memory woke him up with sweat covering all his body. He was so sure should be breathing, he shouldn’t be walking, he shouldn’t be living. He was there, and he could tell something was not right but there wasn’t a lot of things on the internet on ‘is it normal to be alive when you remember your own death?’. Yes he did try to search this on google but he only found some illuminated people talking about fortune telling or premonitions, nothing really felt real, or made more sense to what he felt.

So in the end, to drown the memories like he drowned, he got out with E. Aster Bunnymund, an old friend who dropped out of Corona a few years back, and drunk until he couldn’t remember his name. That didn’t help much with his studies but at least it helped with the darkness, though remorse and guilt ended up feeding the never leaving dark feeling in his core. Honestly, by this point he firmly believed that this darkness he felt was the result of his death. Or supposed death. Or whatever happened in that frozen lake. 

Sighing and deciding it was no use trying to get some sleep, he got up and prepared himself for his next class. He’ll be early but it didn’t really matter, the darkness of his room was suffocating now, it didn’t feel as welcoming as it did earlier.

Outside the clouds were darker than earlier and wind was even worse. Jackson still felt suffocated somehow. He really hoped his outing with his Australian best friend would take away all his bad feelings.

The class went by as fast as the wind blowing the leaves and if you asked him what it talked about Jackson would be in a very difficult position to reply. He felt even sourer than earlier. Luckily he only had to drop his stuff on his bed and take his helmet inside of his room before he was out to find his bike, not that it was hard to find a white as snow Triumph on campus. He was the only to own one like this.

As he expected, Aster was waiting for him on his own bike.

“Good to see ya, mate. You look dead.” Aster said, almost laughing.

That joke fell completely flat on Jackson’s end. The white haired boy only put him helmet on and got on his own bike.

“Okay… I had a good day thank you, Frosty boy. You do live up to your nickname ya know.”

“I had a shitty day, Aster. So please, fuck off with your stupid jokes and let’s go.”

“Wow, okay then. I have the perfect place for you to forget about your shit.” Aster said, making his engine roar.

He was soon on the way to the big entrance of Corona University and Jackson wasn’t one to let himself get behind so he quickly caught up to his friend. The moment they were the school grounds, Jackson felt himself get freer and maybe wilder too. He sped up a bit, letting the wind blow past him until he felt nothing else than the roar of the engine under him and the sound of the wind. He could have driven like this for hours.

It didn’t take long, however, to get to the place Aster had in mind. It was small Irish pub that didn’t seem like much for the outside. Since the wind was picking up quite roughly again, the two boys quickly got inside with the firm intention of drinking their night out.

At first they only talked about safe subject and weird jokes like only they could do but three beers in and Aster asked the big question.

“Mate, why did ya wanted to go out tonight so bad?”

Jackson was already too hammered to try and find some lame excuse so he got some of the truth out. It wasn’t much but maybe that could stop Aster from asking more disturbing questions he didn’t want to answer now. Or ever for that matter.

“I hate autumn, I have shitty nightmares and a roughly bad week.”

Half truth and some excuses. He did hate autumn, he did have nightmares, though he wouldn’t call them nightmares if ‘memories of my own death’ wasn’t so disturbing and his week had been filled with essays, warning of the upcoming midterms and daily power outage in his dorms. It really felt like life wanted to make sure he felt bad.

“Oh yeah, heard about the outages and midterms. All the students coming to the workshop are freaking out about it. Glad I don’t have to do this shit anymore, honestly.”

Sober Aster wasn’t the most talkative person on earth but would crack a few jokes here and there. Drunk Aster was very angry at the world and let it show more than often.

“Yeah well, it’s not half bad as you remember it, to be fair, but it’s shitty to constantly remind us. Stress the hell out of everyone you know.”

“Ya know you can have a place at the workshop if ya ever want to drop out.” Aster laughed.

“Nah man, I have to finish this shit. This is state money I’m drinking on, the State’s going to be thoroughly pissed if I don’t graduate with honors and shit.”

“Ha ha ha! Do they know you fucked up about honors or do they still have hope?”

“I think they just want to get rid of me now.”

They both laughed but the truth was a bit sadder. It was well known amongst his friends that Jackson had no family left and he was a ward of the state. Now well, after the state paid for his university dorm and was giving him the bare minimum to survive month by month Jackson often joked about how much the foster care system hated him. It helped make the situation a bit lighter.

“Ya know what? Fuck state money, I’m paying for tonight.”

That made Jackson buy a bit more things than he would have with only his monthly allowance and soon he had drunk a little bit more than he expected. The pub was now at peak time and was blasting loud music through the speakers all around the place and there was so much people the boys couldn’t leave their seats unattended for even a second or they would have been taken right away.

“Hey Aster! I think I’m in love!” Jackson shouted over the noise.

“What the fuck Frosty boy! Since when do you care about girls?! I thought you only loved your Triumph!”

“I never said it was a girl!” Jackson chortled “I’m in love with this DunBroch whiskey! It’s the best I’ve ever drank!”

And that was probably the final straw that made Aster decide it was time to get Jackson back to his dorm. Leaving the pub was the hardest part as it was fully packed with people laughing, drinking and not really dancing due to the lack of space but trying anyway. Aster was a broad and tall man and even while towering people they just wouldn’t step aside. And Jackson was no help since he was only telling people how in love with the booze he was. It took a bit of time but they finally managed to get back to their bikes. 

“You’re lucky, Frosty boy, I heard the DunBroch heir’s a pretty girl. Maybe you can go and date her, you’ll have unlimited whiskey.”

“Hey! That’s a fucking great idea, Bunny!”

Jackson remember how in first year, Aster had bunny teeth and got the nickname until he grew up a good ten centimeters and got wide shoulders to go with it in second year He also had his teeth perfectly aligned and the nickname got dropped. He also remembered how Aster hated this nickname and hardly ever allowed his own friends to use it.

“Okay, let’s get you back home, mate. Think you can drive in your condition?”

Jackson had drove in far worse states but it was cute how his friend got worried. He almost wanted to pinch his cheeks if he wasn’t almost two meters tall. Instead he just nodded vigorously.

“Yeah yeah, I’m good!”

“... Okay, drive slowly and I’ll be right behind you.” Aster said after a long pause.

The boys put their helmets on and were off on the road back to Corona in a instant. Jackson wondered if he should drive faster than what Aster probably had expected but finally decided against it, tonight was a good night, he wouldn’t be haunted by stupid memories, there was no reason to try and toy with life and its shitty shenanigans.

It definitely took longer to get back to campus, but Jackson had still felt the wind on his skin and it helped him sober a bit. Not that he wanted to sober too much, he did want to sleep tonight.

Aster left him by his dorm building and after a quick good night he was out on his bike again, going back to the city where he belonged. Jackson found his dorm empty again - or all his dorm mates were asleep which seemed unlikely for both Peter and Flynn - and got inside his room only to crash fully clothed on his bed in a dreamless slumber, the only way he could sleep and be fully rested the next morning. Goddamned frozen lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few things about this chapter :
> 
> \- i didn't have the intention of writing as jack's pov at first, so i added a few chapters to the total because now there's his plotline to deal with  
\- it ended up far longer than expected because i didn't want to give an exposition-only chapter again but i had less than two hundred words left on my 2000 words count so it ended up over 3000 words, oops?  
\- the pacing might feel off since there's half exposition and half action and was trying to get my writing work and yeah well idk how it went  
\- i really wanted to show how magic isn't something 'normal' in their world. i'm not sure it worked lmao
> 
> i don't particularly like it but i hope you enjoyed it anyway.


	3. iii.

It had been two weeks since Elsa had her last nightmare. She felt relieved and had definitely her student life back on track. She was ahead on her papers, could do some extra credit work and had time to relax using the relaxations methods her parents taught her from a young age. 

Honestly, Elsa Arendelle felt good.

The only thorn on her side was her little sister, Anna.  
She had decided to be an insufferable party-goer, not caring about what Elsa told her and even less about her current grades. This felt like such a waste to the oldest sister, but no matter what she tried it fell short. Instead she chose to keep an eye on her sister to prevent the more terrible mistakes as she let Anna experience for herself. It was hard but Elsa held on to the feeling it was the best for her sister.

Or at least that’s what she tried to tell herself as she was listening to her sister rambling about parties and boys. They were in one of the campus cafeterias, having their weekly lunch together and really it was hard for Elsa not to frown upon hearing all the things her sister knew about school gossip.

“Anna, I hardly believe attending every party on campus is what’s going to get you your diploma.”

Her sister huffed and crossed her arms.

“It’s not every party on campus! I only went to one last week!”  
“Right. And so much happened in this one party?”  
“No, I’m also telling you about what my roomates gathered from their own parties. Merida went to one last Friday and Ariel was out with her boyfriend yesterday.”  
“And this concerns you how?”  
“For god’s sake, Elsa! You can’t go around campus without knowing the rumors!”  
“If they don’t concern me, then I don’t see why not.”  
“Well some of them do concern you, you know.”

That made Elsa interested, for once and she looked at her sister, an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, really?”  
“Yes! They say you’re an ice bi- ahem, ice queen and isn’t close to anyone at all. A few guys were into you back in the days too and you turned them all down.”

Anna looked like she couldn’t understand that.

“I’m focusing on my studies, something you should probably do too.”

The look Anna gave was sending daggers but Elsa was not impressed.

“I don’t need a boy to feel validated, Anna. And you should also think about the consequences of letting someone in your life, too.”

“Pfeu!” Anna snorted. “Like you know anything about letting someone in, Els. You never let anyone in, not even me!”

At this point, she was starting to pack her things and Elsa started to panic.

“Where do you think you’re going?”  
“To my studies. Apparently that’s more important to any kind of sister talk to you.”  
“I’m not done with you. Or this conversation.”  
“Yeah, well I’m done with both, you and this conversation! I will do whatever I want of my free time, thank you very much.”

Elsa stood up at the same time Anna did, crossing her arms and trying to put on the most authoritarian look she could muster.

“I forbid you to go to any party until your GPA gets better.”  
“You’re not mom Elsa, she’s dead. So is dad. Don’t even try to replace them.”

And with that Anna left, leaving a devastated Elsa.  
It didn’t take long before things started spinning around her. Or, more exactly, she felt like things were spinning but she was frozen in place. She knew she was standing and she hadn’t moved but suddenly it was like she wasn’t in the cafeteria. She was in some limbo and everything was swirling around her, she couldn’t focus on anything.  
She could have been feeling that for a second or an hour, she didn’t know. Time was such a bizarre notion to her at this moment, nothing made sense to her. She was there and yet… not. And people were there but they felt like the reflection of reality in a frozen lake than the real thing. It was like life had been tainted by by some freezing monster.

But then her phone vibrated. And well rang too, but she didn’t hear the ringtone, she could only feel the vibration in her back pocket. That was all it took to bring her back to the world. Trembling, she took her phone out, only to realise it was Rapunzel, her cousin. She took a deep breath before answering.

“Hello?”  
“Soooo, how did it go?”

For a moment Elsa spaced out. What the hell was she talking about?

“I’m sorry, what?”  
“With Anna! The talk? How did it go?”

Elsa put a hand on her forehead, sensing the headache coming.

“It, huh… It didn’t go well.”  
“What? What happened? Where are you? Do you want me to come?”

Elsa was having trouble finding her words. She was slowly calming down. She took deep breaths to ground herself. Rapunzel’s voice was a lifeline.

“I’m at Benbow’s Inn.”  
“Okay. Do you want me to come? Or should I go check on her?”  
“Hum. Maybe check on her first? I’ll see you afterwards.”  
“Sure. I’ll call you after I got her!”

And then Elsa was left with the feeling of being out of space and out of place. She looked around, nothing had changed. No one had moved, as if nothing happened. But maybe nothing did happen.  
She took a step forward. She didn’t fell even though she was sure the world would crumble around her. Nothing made sense yet somehow it was all the same.  
She took another step forward. Clearly the ground was solid and wouldn’t disappear on her. So why did she felt like it would?  
She started walking, slowly at first. Now that she was sure the ground was the actual ground, she felt like she was going to fly away at the first blow of the wind. Luckily there was no wind. But she had no weight. Or had she?  
Soon she was seeing her dorm and it bothered her how fast she got there. Wasn’t there supposed to be more time between the cafeteria and the dorm? Something was off.  
She got in, got to her room only to notice that no, nothing had changed. Se got under her covers to shake that feeling but it just wouldn’t go away. 

When she closed her eyes she was elsewhere, yet nowhere. And when she opened them back she was in a copy of her room. Or maybe it was her room but wasn’t there. Like seeing through a blurred camera lense. Except the lense wasn’t blurred. And there was no camera. 

She kept on closing her eyes and opening them. Alternating between limbo and the replica of reality she wasn’t really in. 

At some point her roommate, Belle entered and asked her if she was okay. Elsa couldn’t take it in her heart to respond to her, so she just closed her eyes and nodded, hopping she would understand.  
Belle didn’t come back and Elsa felt relieved she didn’t have to force herself to be there. In this reality. She was elsewhere. Somewhere, nowhere. 

Later, probably, Rapunzel came. Elsa sat on her bed, trying to ground herself back into this reality. The trick was done by Rapunzel’s hand on her shoulder. It wasn’t perfect but it made her feel present.

“So, I talked to Anna. She’s pissed, she told me she doesn’t want to talk to you but we know she’s just acting out.”

Elsa nodded, it was the best she could muster for now.

“She also told me she was going to this party tonight.”

Elsa frowned, she didn’t like the sound of that but she kept her mouth shut.

“And I think honestly it’s not a good idea for her to go there alone. I mean she told me she would go with a friend but I don’t know I have a bad feeling about it. And you know how my feelings are often right? So maybe we could go too? I know you don’t really like party, too many people yadda-yadda, but I’m sure just for one you’ll manage.”

Would she though? She wasn’t so sure. But at this point, she was out of ideas. She had to take care of her sister. She looked at Rapunzel who was looking back expectantly. Then she nodded and sighed.

So Elsa got up, tried her best to shake of her feeling of being out of space and got ready to make sure her sister wasn’t making a big mistake. Rapunzel approved of her look with a big thumb up and soon they were on their way to the other dorm so Rapunzel could also get ready. 

And then they were off to the biggest party of the week, on the other side of campus, and all Elsa could hope for was for her sister to listen to her. Just this once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I know this has been a long time. And well i don't want to give you excuses because well, they're just excuses. But I don't know if i'll ever be consistant on writing this. 
> 
> it's a bit shorter than usual, I hope you'll like it anyway.


	4. iv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally (?) the party!!
> 
> there's a lot happening in this chapter but it will all be thought about/resolved in the next ones, hopefully

To say Jack was enjoying the party so far would have been a huge lie. He got dragged out of his dorm by an overly excited Tatiana saying things along the lines of “you need to have fun” or “sulking in your room won’t make you feel better” and Jack swore under his breath. She was right though, keeping to his room for another night wouldn’t make him feel better. He hated that she was right.

Jack hadn’t spent a great fortnight. Semester was coming to an end and teachers liked to remind him the only reason he hadn’t been expelled yet was because Nicholas St. North had put his job at risk to keep him here. 

To be fair Jack already owed the man more than his entire life -for what it was worth- could ever repay, but to be reminded of that everyday was a bit much and clearly wasn’t helping his mental state.

He had been overly stressed about exams, because of course the only way he could stay was to get better grades and keep a low profile, and, really, Tatiana had been right. He needed to get his head out of his room, his studying and all that stress and just unwind for a bit. That wasn’t her exact words but the meaning stayed the same, right?

Except the party was shit. There was too many people and not enough booze, the big barrels of beer were cut with water -he tried that first- and there was barely anything else to get himself drunk, as people brought their own alcohol and didn’t share. Honestly, he got that it was the biggest party on campus as half the student body was present but it felt really underwhelming. 

At some point, someone accidentally spilled their drink -it smelled of rhum-cola but Jack wasn’t sure- on him and that was the last straw. He started looking for a bathroom that wasn’t filled with student doing drugs or downright fucking to get rid of that cold drink. He was sure some ice cubes were still inside his shirt he could feel the cold. Or, more exactly he felt less cold everywhere else.

After looking for a good fifteen minutes he did find an empty bathroom. He locked himself in, only not to be bothered by other people trying to find a hookup place, and took his t-shirt off. 

The first thing he noticed was two ice cubes falling down into the sink. They were mostly intact, as big as he saw them inside the drink that was spilled on him. The second thing he noticed was frost patterns on his skin. They were quickly fading away but he could still see they were exactly where the ice cubes were before they fell out of his t-shirt.

Half freaking out and half curious, Jack took one of the ice cubes and dragged it on his skin. The frost patterns followed the path the ice cubes took on his skin and quickly disappeared after the ice was no longer in contact with him. 

Was this a result of his drowning? Was he a living dead body made of ice? Jack started freaking out more and more. What the hell did it mean? Why was he sensitive to ice? To cold? Why frost patterns were appearing on his skin? He couldn’t feel the warmth very well but the cold was always there. Was he really dead? Was this a sign that his body needed cold not to decompose or something? Why was never anything explained to him? He had spent two days inside a motherfucking lake, his mother and sister hadn’t survived so why was he alive? Was the ice a reminder of what he had lost? Or was it just to freak him out more? 

Jack wasn’t religious by any means but at this right exact moment he could have swore God was playing a creepy mind game on him and clearly he wasn’t having it. He put his t-shirt back on and got out of the bathroom in search of Tatiana to get the fuck out of this party. He clearly wouldn’t get any answers by staying here and if his uncovered skin got into contact with any ice then clearly he wouldn’t be staying in this university for long.

Clearly chance wasn’t on his side on this particular night. He could have swore that not even five minutes ago, Tatiana was talking to a group of friends and he was almost certain that even Hiccup was with her. Yet now going back there they were impossible to find. He did find a very loud and obnoxious ginger, though. She was trying to get everyone’s attention while telling a weird story about a snow queen in a fjord. Jack shook his head, who would believe such nonsense these days? Even though he was living another kind of nonsense currently. 

After what felt like an hour of looking everywhere for Tatiana, or Hiccup who could tell him where Tatiana was, without finding either of them, Jack felt a bit hopeless. He was starting to consider leaving without Tatiana but he was a better man than that and he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if he ever left his best friends coming back alone to the dorms. Sighing, he went back outside to check once again if he couldn’t find any of his friends on the grass. On his left someone else seemed to look for people as well. On closer inspection he recognised her, he couldn’t tell from where but he had seen her before.

“Excuse me?”

She turned towards him and he felt like he got hit by a wall of bricks. That girl, that was the girl who was burning to the touch. Or icy? He really couldn’t tell exactly, but she made him feel things. And we was feeling things again right now, but clearly not the same. He was feeling anxious, and worried and he didn’t exactly know why. Maybe it had something to do with the way her eyes felt scared? Or maybe not scared but something was not right and he couldn’t pinpoint what. She looked fine in fact, but the way she looked at him made him shiver.

“Are you alright?” He finally managed to squeak after a very long time of just staring at her.

Beautiful would be an understatement of the way she completely mesmerized him, just like the last he saw her, shivering on the bench even though it wasn’t really cold. This time, she was not trembling so it was already a better sign, Jack thought. She gave him a small smile, uneasy somehow but he wasn’t exactly sure why, after looking at him for a long time.

“Hm, I’m not… I’m not sure.”

Her voice was small and Jack had a weird feeling in his chest, something between protectiveness and the desire to ask her to step on him, he wasn't sure, but it was strong and it fed the dark part of him, somehow.

“What’s wrong?”

She opened her mouth but then shook her head and griped her phone so tightly, Jask saw her knuckles turning white. Then she took a breath, plastering a smile on her face and Jack felt like she was an entirely different person that she had been a second ago.

“I’m looking for my sister actually, maybe you’ve seen her, ginger, around my size, very bubbly?”

The description seemed familiar and he felt like it fit someone he had seen inside, but where? Good question.

“I think I saw someone like that, yes. Can’t remember where, though. Inside most probably.”

She seemed hesitant, looking at the house like it was some sort of devilish creation that would suck her in, so he offered :

“Wanna look for her together? I’m looking for a friend, too.”

She seemed relieved if her smile was anything to go by, relaxing, and she looks a lot less antsy than she had been before. Jack shot her a smile back.

“Sure. Who are you looking for?”  
“A friend, she’s pretty sort, multi coloured hair, short attention span.”  
“Dosn’t ring any bells, but I was outside most of the time.”  
“You’ve been here for long?”  
“Fifteen minutes.”  
“Outside?”  
“Yes.”

He didn’t bother hiding his surprise and she looked a bit remorseful? As if not entering the frat house had been a mistake. He didn’t really know why but he felt this pang of protectiveness again.

“Weren’t you cold?”  
“I’m used to the cold, it doesn’t bother me.”

Jack felt he could understand that, as he felt cold all the time. Numb, sometimes even. He shot her a small understanding smile as they entered the house.

“I’m Jack, by the way.”  
“Elsa.”

She extended her hand but was soon shoved around by some drunken party-goer and dropped her hand with a sheepish smile. Jack wanted to fight the guy for a second, anger flaring up inside the darkest parts of him, but he shoved it back down quickly.

After they entered the house, they were in a swarm of bodies, somehow even more jam-packed than earlier and Jack became suddenly afraid he would lose Elsa in the crowd. But a hand grabbed the back of his navy blue sweater and he smiled to himself, knowing full well who was holding on to him.

They moved around the house and suddenly Jack remembered the loud obnoxious girl telling the story of the snow queen or something and a piece fell into place. He turned around to whisper in Elsa’s ear.

“I think I remember where I found your sister.”

He could see her shivering and for a split second he wondered if he was the reason behind it, the pride stroking the dark part of him for a second. But then he noticed a man’s hand crawling up her back and he suddenly saw red. 

It took him only a second to take Elsa’s hand and step into the man’s space, putting himself between her and that disgusting dude. He tried to make himself taller and broader but there’s only so much you can do when you’re 5’10 and a scrawny guy without much muscles to go by. 

Somehow, he managed to scare the guy off with only a very intense stare and he found himself pretty proud of this feat, the dark feeling inside of him growing ever so slightly. This felt good, yet, sort of weird? He couldn’t exactly explain it.

Shrugging he turned around toward Elsa, whose eyes were fixated on the floor? Or something. Not him, definitely. A pang of deception ran through him until he looked at where she was looking. Their jointed hands. His hand felt so cold it practically burned and the dark part of him practically purred. The reasonable side of his brain, however, made him drop her hand in a second.

Weirdly enough, his hand felt extra cold even after dropping hers, he spared a glance and, with a shock, discovered frost patterns slowly disappearing onto his skin, just like with the ice cubes. 

It took him another split second to just look at her, truly look at her, not just outward appearance and perfect beauty but everything she was : the way she seemed so out of place in the crowd, the way she hold unto herself as not to touch anyone, the way her face was so guarded, but her eyes, oh her eyes, they probably held the most magical thing he had ever seen in his life.

Beneath the clear blue of her eyes -ice blue if he remembered Tatiana’s colour theory correctly- there was something else, something ever shifting, powerful and cold. So cold, in fact that he could feel it from where he was, a feet apart from her, holding her gaze and his breath alike. Something that was dying to get out and that the part of him, the darkest deepest part of him, the one he hid so well from other people, was craving desperately. He wanted to get close, he wanted to be so close he would be engulfed in this, he wanted to drown.

She broke the eye contact first and Jack let go of the breath he was holding, he suddenly back into the frat house and they weren’t alone and he couldn’t just let himself be so careless. He pried not to get any nightmares tonight but he sure as hell knew it was a futile hope.

“Where?”  
“What?”  
“Where did you see her?”

For a moment he was lost, trying to get back to the discussion they had before. Frowning he scratched the back of his head for a second and then it hit him. Her sister. Right.

“I think it was around the bar, there was a pretty big crowd, she was telling a story. Talked loud, was probably already drunk, I think.”  
“She doesn’t know how to control herself.”

The sigh Elsa let out was worrying to say the least. He took her hand again, ignoring the icy feeling that crept up his arm at the touch, to lead her around the house. She squeezed his hand when rough fratboys pushed around and Jack’s heart leaped in his throat. Followed by the low sensation of the darkest pit himself growing ever so slightly.

They managed to get to the makeshift bar, just a pile a kegs on top of each other with some fratboy pouring everyone and their friend a drink should they ask. Jask turned to Elsa who just eyed him with a raised brow before looking around. Jack decided to take a luck at the barman, or the would be barman?

“Hey dude.”  
“You want a drink?”

He was already offering him a red cup filled to the brim with that nasty half-water half-beer drink that was just nasty.

“Pass. I’m looking for a girl, ginger, cute, she was talking very loud about a weird story like half an hour ago, here?”  
“Oh yeah, I think I saw her go upstairs? Something about a bathroom. No idea why she told me, though.”  
“Thanks, man.”  
“No problem.”

Jack led Elsa around the room towards the stairs where there was definitely less people. She dropped his hand as soon as she realised she wouldn’t lose him if there was no crowd, and a dark feeling creeped up Jack’s spine. Luckily he had enough control to shove it right back where it belonged.

“So?”  
“She told someone she was going to th bathroom, that’s upstairs.”

Elsa nodded and went up the stairs two by two and maybe, just maybe, Jack realised the urgency of the situation and that he probably shouldn’t enjoy spending time with her so much considering she was definitely worried. Oh well, might as well take what he could.

Upstairs there was definitely less people. Elsa looked at him and he could feel the uneasiness rolling off her.

“Never been to a frat house before?”  
“No, I have. I just don’t want to stumble on anyone doing, you know.”

She blushed slightly and Jack couldn’t help but find it endearing, he laughed rather loudly and she shot him an icy glare to shut him up. Effective. 

“Alright, alright. But if you don’t enter any room you won’t know where your sister his.”

He had a point and he knew she knew it because she frowned slightly before walking to the first door on her left and opened it forcefully. Inside, there was nothing except a bunch of passed out fratboys, so she closed the door without any regard to the occupant of the room and went to the next one.

They encountered a few different kind of people -from sniffing drugs to hooking up- before finally managing to find a somewhat half-passed out ginger next to a toilet in some bathroom somewhere on the back of the house. Elsa was next to her in an instant.

“Anna? Anna!”

So the little sister’s name was Anna, Jack tucked the info somewhere in case it might be useful later on. Anna opened her eyes and she looked absolutely wasted.

“God, how much did you drink?”  
“Two beers, I think. I don’t-...I don’t remember.”  
“That doesn’t look like two beers to me.”  
“If you’re just... going to nag, Elsie, just, just, just leave me alone.”

Her speech was definitely slurred and Jack wondered how much exactly did she drink, she looked fine half an hour ago. Or was it an hour? Time slipped quickly he didn’t bother to check how long he had been there.

“No, I’m actually going to take you home.”  
“Sleepy…”  
“You’ll sleep better in your bed, come on get up.”

Jack watched Elsa take Anna’s arm and try to lift her up before failing miserably as the younger clearly was not in any state to do anything. He wondered what kind of drunk she was since he hardly saw people be this unresponsive, even drunk, but anything could happen. Realising she wouldn’t get anywhere, Elsa shot him a pleading look and he felt weirdly happy. She needed him and it send very strong possessive thought to his mind. Shaking his head clear of it, he got down next to Anna.

“Hey, Anna, I’m Jack.”  
“The name sounds familiar.”

She waved a finger weakly at him and Jack only smiled.

“I’m going to lift you up, is that alright?”

She only hummed in response and Jack took her arm and draped it around his neck before sneaking his arm around Anna’s waist. He looked at Elsa who seemed absolutely devastated. He sent her a small reassuring smile before lift him and Anna up. She was heavier than he had anticipated but he managed to get her on her feet with only minor help from Elsa. She looked at him with a thankful smile and it tool all of his willpower not to get lost in her eyes again.

The next second, a guy entered the bathroom. Jack looked at him and frowned when he saw how surprised the dude was. He looked between Anna, Elsa and him before quickly hiding something behind his back. Jack’s protectiveness acted up again and he stepped in front of Elsa, not really caring about how Anna mumbled her discontentment in his ear. He shot the guy a harsh look and the next moment he had fled. 

“Who was that?”

Elsa voice cut though the bathroom and Jack looked at her before shrugging slightly as to not bother Anna.

“No idea but I didn’t like him.”  
“... Right. Let’s go.”

She started walking out of the bathroom before stopping dead in her tracks.

“Hm. You said you were looking for someone, no? I can’t ask you to help me bring this idiot back to her dorm.”  
“It’s fine.” 

It wasn’t fine but he would manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, it's been a long time coming and i'm sorry i don't really have any explanation except lockdown? also i started uni in september so there's that too
> 
> to be perfectly honest i started working on this chapter as soon as the other one was posted but i'm shit at being consistent it seems, and writer's block got in the way.
> 
> anyway! i sincerely hope you've enjoyed this and i hope i'll see you next time, in the meantime, take care.


End file.
